


All is the Fear, but—

by NamelesslyNightlock



Series: Going Down Swinging [22]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Apples of Idunn, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Injury, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, M/M, Mild Blood, Mortality, Protective Loki (Marvel), Protective Tony Stark, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Gets a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 01:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20538113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NamelesslyNightlock/pseuds/NamelesslyNightlock
Summary: Tony once found it easy to imagine that he and Loki would live happily ever after– but then Loki gets injured, and Tony can't stop worrying over how it could have been so much worse.





	All is the Fear, but—

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt**— _“What if one day I wake up and you don’t?”_

It all happened so quickly– a split second, a blink of an eye where Tony’s life so very nearly changed forever, when he so very nearly lost everything.

They’d almost won the battle– there had only been a few of the aliens left, most of them having fled the moment that the Revengers had arrived on the scene. There would perhaps only be another few minutes of fighting before they were all safe again, but of course that was when everything went wrong.

Tony hardly had the time to react– he heard Thor yell out, telling him to turn around, to _move_, but by the time he was able to even process what had been said through the madness of the battle—

Loki was already there, his hands pressing against the blood that was seeping from the wound in his abdomen, the result of a shot that had been meant for Tony.

“Loki,” Tony gasped, lunging forward only just in time to catch his swaying husband in his arms. “Loki, you’re okay, you’re all right, aren’t you?”

“Anthony,” Loki whispered, and Tony was glad at least to see that there wasn’t any blood on his lips– at least, not _yet_. Tony lay him on the ground, not wanting him to jostle the wound any further. They really had been right at the tail end of it– he could hear the battle still going on around them, but it would seem that seeing Loki fall had given the others a boost, and the remaining aliens were either on the ground or racing back to their ships. A cheer went up around them, the locals celebrating the threat being pushed back, but the Revengers were already heading for where Tony and Loki had slid down to the ground.

One of Tony’s hands was cradling Loki’s head while his other hand pressed over the top of Loki’s, creating more pressure on the wound. And Tony was still talking, still telling Loki that he was going to be fine as much for his own reassurance as for anything else.

It was hard to believe, though, when Loki was bleeding _that much_.

It should have been Tony lying there, not Loki. Loki had jumped in front of a shot meant for _him_, and now he was hurting and Tony couldn’t do anything about it other than utter promises that he wasn’t sure he would be able to keep.

A gentle but firm touch to Tony’s wrist drew his focus, and he turned to see Val kneel beside him. There was a bit of blue alien blood splattered over her white armour, but her expression was calm as she pulled first Tony and then Loki’s hands from the wound.

She used one of Loki’s own daggers to slice through his leather armour, then poured the contents of her hip flask over it—

Which, first of all, the fact that she _always_ managed to keep a hip flask on her no matter what would have made Tony just a little jealous if he hadn’t been so distracted by the fact that Loki gasped in pain—

Because yeah, second, Tony _knew_ how much alcohol stung an open wound, and he used his now free hand to clutch Loki a little tighter toward him, still telling him that it was going to be _okay_ even while he kept his eyes on what Val was doing. Tony had to help lift Loki’s torso as she pressed a wad of clean material to the wound and wrapped it tightly, and Loki’s hitched breathing as he so clearly tried to hold in a whimper bit at Tony’s heart.

Tony’s voice was anguished as he asked, “What’s the verdict?”

“He’ll survive,” Val said, her tone far gentler than Tony had ever heard it before. “I’ve seen much worse than this. He’s going to be _fine_.”

Tony felt his breath leave him in a heavy rush. Despite having been with Loki for several years now, Tony was still learning what Loki could and could not withstand, what was possible for him to heal from. But he trusted Val’s experience and her judgement, and he let the relief wash over him.

Loki had closed his eyes at Val’s words, but opened them again when Tony leaned down to press their foreheads together.

“You’re such an idiot,” Tony whispered. “Why did you do that?”

“I couldn’t let you get hurt,” Loki replied, his voice hoarse.

Tony made a pained noise in the back of his throat, and ducked his head so he could press it into Loki’s shoulder. Loki’s hand came up to gently thread through Tony’s hair, and Tony felt more than a little guilty at the realisation that, despite his painful injury, Loki was comforting _him. _

—

With Thor’s assistance and a stretcher helpfully provided by the thankful locals, they got Loki back to the ship without too much difficulty. Bruce patched Loki up as best as he could, grumbling all the while as he had for years about having been assigned as the ship’s doctor. His favourite thing was usually to point out that technically, Tony was a _doctor_ as well– but he paused before doing so this time, noting the look on Tony’s face.

Because even though Loki _was_ going to be fine– even though, despite the severity of the wound, his healing factor and his seiðr would have it healed by morning… Tony still couldn’t help but think about _just how close_ he had come to losing Loki for good.

And as they lay beside each other that night, not quite as entwined as normal but still with Loki’s head on Tony’s chest and their legs entangled, Loki slept almost peacefully. There was the occasional twitch as a movement pulled at the wound on his side, but otherwise, he remained entirely ensconced in the darkness of slumber.

Tony, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep at all.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Loki swaying, his knees giving out as he slipped to the ground. He saw himself not getting there fast enough as a wound that was far worse than reality blossomed over Loki’s stomach, blood staining Loki’s lips as he whispered, “I did it for _you_.”

So Tony’s eyes remained open, staring at his husband’s sleeping expression, tracing the lines of Loki’s face with his gaze. Even in the darkness Tony knew the sight so well– the straight cut of his nose, the dark splash of hair, the way that his eyes would gleam so bright the moment they opened. Tony listened to Loki’s breaths become more relaxed as time went by and the wound healed at a rate so much faster than a human’s—

The same rate that Tony would have healed as well, since he had eaten a golden apple to seal their marriage almost a year ago.

When Loki had made the offer of a longer life, Tony had been instantly delighted– because he knew that their differing lifespans was something that Loki had been anxious about since they had got together. He had thought long and hard about the fact that he would be living much longer than his friends, that he would outlive Rhodey and Pepper and Happy and all of the others that he’d had the privilege to know– but if meant that he could live with Loki for the rest of _Loki’s_ life, then he had known that it would be more than worth it.

Because being with Loki? Well, that was all that he wanted. So long as he had that, he could deal with everything else that came with it. 

He’d just never imagined what might happen if Loki’s life ended up being a lot shorter than either of them expected, had never even considered what might happen to him now, if he lost Loki. But since seeing Loki so horribly injured, it was suddenly all that he could think about.

Tony instinctively clutched Loki to his chest a little tighter than before– and then, he felt Loki start to stir.

“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered, leaning down to touch a kiss to the top of Loki’s head. “It’s all right, go back to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Anthony?” Loki asked, his voice a little bleary, tilting his head to look up at Tony as his eyes blinked away the haze of sleep. Tony couldn’t help but lift a hand to brush his fingers over Loki’s cheek, and although Loki leaned into the touch, his brows pulled together in thought.

“There’s something wrong,” Loki realised. His voice cleared, as if that had been enough to wake him up fully. He turned slightly so he was propped up on his elbows, not wincing at all at the movement– his side was almost entirely healed.

“It’s fine,” Tony said thickly, feeling like the darkness was still curling through him, trying to convince him that every word could be Loki’s last. Even though Loki _was_ healed, Tony couldn’t push away the memories, and he couldn’t eliminate the dread.

“No, it’s not,” Loki replied. “Anthony, talk to me.”

Tony whined at that, and reached to try and pull Loki close again, needing to feel Loki’s weight in his arms, their bodies pressed close together. Loki went willingly, tucking his head under Tony’s chin. Tony turned his head so he could rest his cheek against Loki’s hair, breathing in the familiar scent and letting it ground him as he tried to remind himself that Loki was alive and well.

They lay like that for a while, and there were a few minutes where Tony thought that maybe Loki had fallen asleep again. But then one of Loki’s hands stroked over Tony’s shoulder, then up to stroke through Tony’s hair. It couldn’t have been the most comfortable thing to do, for it must have stretched his shoulder, but it was soothing, and Tony’s arms relaxed a little where they had been wrapped tight around Loki’s middle.

“Anthony, I… I don’t like seeing you like this,” Loki said gently, remaining where he was so that his breath brushed over the skin of Tony’s neck and shoulder. “If you don’t want to tell me what’s going on, then that is fine, just promise me… if there is something that I can do to help, promise me that you’ll ask for it.”

“I just need you to be safe,” Tony said, his voice little more than a broken whisper, his hand beginning to tremble. “I can’t lose you, Loki.”

“Oh, Anthony,” Loki said, lifting his chin to press a kiss to Tony’s throat. “I am right here, I’m staying with you.”

“But what if you don’t have a choice?” Tony asked. He was holding Loki tight again, as if he didn’t ever want to let go. “You can’t… I couldn’t live with it if I lost you, I think I would break. Loki, I ate that golden apple to _be_ with you.”

“I know,” Loki answered, sounding more than just a little confused. “And you will be. You _are_.”

“I am now, but what if something goes wrong?” Tony asked, the agony in his chest making itself known through the snap and hiss of his broken words. “What if you jump in front of another bullet that’s meant for me, and your injury doesn’t heal like it did this time? What if one day I wake up, and you _don’t?_ Loki…” Tony’s eyes were stinging, and his whole body was shaking as he whispered, “What happens then?”

The thought was too painful to bear, and Tony couldn’t quite muffle the sob that tore from his throat.

Loki was moving again, shifting off Tony’s chest and curling against his side instead so that they could catch each other’s gaze. His hand cupped Tony’s cheek, his thumb stroking gently under Tony’s eye, catching the first tear to fall. They held each other tightly, both knowing that this wasn’t a problem with an easy fix– because neither of them were going to stop being Revengers, neither were about to settle down for a safe and _boring_ life.

The risk of injury or worse was always on the horizon, and if the worst should happen… then there really was no easy answer.

“I’m not ever going to ask you to stay away from a fight,” Tony said hoarsely. “But please… don’t take unnecessary risks. Not again.”

“It wasn’t unnecessary,” Loki said immediately.

“I would have been all right, I can heal just as fast as you—”

“Anthony,” Loki said, his soft tone effectively bringing an end to any argument that Tony could have made. “I cannot lose you either.”

When Loki leaned up and pressed their lips together, the kiss tasted of salt. They both knew that it was possible – not _inevitable_, of course, but the mere possibility was more than enough to saddle them with sadness – that one would be forced to live on without the other, and while they knew that they _would_ live on, it was difficult to imagine that they would ever be happy.

“I’m not going to ever stop protecting you,” Loki said firmly, holding Tony’s gaze. “But I will try to be more careful.”

“Thank you, Loki,” Tony whispered, tilting his head to touch another kiss to the corner of Loki’s mouth before saying, “That’s all I ask. And just so you know, I’m not going to stop protecting you either.”

Loki smiled, then, small but no less true. “I would have expected nothing less.”

They both had always known that they would have each other’s back– they’d both sworn as much in their vows, after all. They would just have to trust that when they stood together, they were strong enough to withstand whatever came their way.

But as Tony kissed Loki again, and then _again_, drawing him closer and deepening their embrace until the fear began to melt away, until all they could focus upon was the slide of their skin and the press of their bodies… it helped them both remember that there were reasons _not_ to be sad, as well.

For now, they were _alive_, and they were together– and for a chance to have this for the rest of _both _of their very long lives? Well, that was worth more than a little bit of risk.

That was worth everything.


End file.
